Please pass the pie...

Out of all my "hobbies", the one hated most by Tad is fad dieting.  When I diet, the whole house diets...but it's never just as simple as eating healthier, it's always something much crazier, for example:
1. The 17 day Chicken & Yogurt Diet
2. The Leek & Onion Soup Diet
3. The High Protien Diet aka The Bacon, Chicken, & Egg Only Diet
4. The No Flour No Sugar Diet
or the infamous -
5. The Raw Diet
As with all of them I never lost much weight.  Not because they didn't work but because I have a serious issue called "ZERO WILLPOWER".  I am a slave to cake as much as I am to love...it is my enemy and my best friend - all rolled into one delicous pan and topped with a light and airy buttercream...aahhh!

Back to my dieting - This week I started something I knew I could commit to; A Ten Day Shakeology Challenge.  After all 10 days is just 10 days...hmph, well today is Day 3 and i'm ready to scream.  I want cake, I want pie, I want anything solid that doesn't sip through a straw!!!  The shakes are amazing, they are chocolatey, and they do fill me up...but I just need some sustinance in the form of a pastry! 

Our fridge is filled with fruits and veggies, skinless chicken breast, and whole grain oats...Tad is starving and I swear my stomach has eaten itself, now if it would just eat my ass too...As we all know, dieting it is always accompanied by crazy, violent, irrational mood swings (what's new right?)...maybe it's the lack of fats and goody-oody carbs, or maybe it's our idiot husbands.  After only Day 2 of my challenge I find out that Tad has hoarded away a rather large box of Nabisco Chewy Chocolate Chip Cookies in his truck - WHAT A FREAKIN' JERK!  It took practically all evening of the silent treatment for him to figure out I was mad at him...Well, it has been one day and all I can think about are those cookies.  I'm so ready for dessert again...but I guess if I had the choice between a slice of pie or losing 10 pounds I would choose the pie weightloss. 

Only seven more days to go, we will see if Tad survives or if I kill him...at this point i'm willing to watch him ride off into the sunset with some skinny girl...just as long as he leaves behind the cookies.

For your viewing pleasure...

I'm making these next month...

Counts as a serving of fruit right?

Picture (Im)Perfect

This was the weekend that I said "No More" to our decoration procrastination...

 

  Last year, before MW was born, I bought two wooden shelves to put up into the girls room. These wooden shelves have been the BIGGEST source of conflict. If I had only known how much of a headache these shelves were going to be I would have NEVER NEVER NEVER brought them home. After three months of nagging asking Tad, they finally got painted five months later...When I 'politely' pointed out they were obviously the wrong color they were repainted two months after that. Four months later (Sunday) they were found in the garage collecting cobwebs. My anger reignited and I decided I today would be the day they would get put up.

  I started devising a plan that would ensure this would happen...while my thoughts were stirring, I decided I also wanted this closet full of frames I had hung as well. As I sat with three shelves (an additional one I bought at IKEA) and 8 picture frames in front of me I conspired a scheme came up with a plan. I went into the garage and got a hammer, a tape measure, some nails and grabbed a shelf. I walked into the living room and announced that I was going to do some decorating today. Tad took one look at the hammer and quickly said "Oh, here let me help you". Don't be deceived by his helpful comments. He only offered to help because whenever I get out a hammer, Tad has to get out the putty to fill in the numerous holes I put in the wall. I handed him over all the equipment and he got to work while I supervised and interjected all my thoughts on placements, furniture rearrangements, and perhaps redecorating the whole house. Tad rolled his eyes and hammered away.

  Three shelves, and eleven pictures later(yes, 8 turned to 11 when I decided to rearrange where I had previously hung other pictures) we were in our bedroom with the last three pictures (now we are at 14). I wanted them hung above the bed, I quickly showed him which order to hang them and I left the room. When I came back the look on my face showed pure disappointment. Tad gave me one look and said "What now?" With one rather large sigh, I explained that the pictures were not spaced out correctly...his response - "It will grow on you". As I went to move the picture I found a large smudge on the wall where Tad had scratched the frame. There was no fixing this error until we repainted the whole room...I sat and sulked...as usual. 

  It is crazy to me how crazy I can get when one thing doesn't go my way; I chalk it up to being a woman. My mom would chalk it up to being a Milam, being anal retentive seems to be genetic trait.  I like things done a certain way and when the slightest thing is off, the whole day is a dissapointment. But it doesn't end at just ruining my day, it calls out to me - mocking me every time I cross it's path...putting me in a horrible mood all over again.

  

How does this not look ridiculous?



Men are from Mars, Women are from Earth...

Tad and I have been so busy lately we've hardly had time to be comical.  But tonight we had a conversation that is worth sharing...

Tad:  Erectile Disfunction is probably spouse induced
Kris:  Are you saying I gave you ED?
Tad:  What are you talking about?
Kris:  WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT?
Tad:  I'm lost, why are you yelling?
Kris:  So are you not attracted to me anymore?
Tad:  You are taking what I said to a whole other level.  I didn't say YOU gave me ED I said it's probably spouse induced because all you women are crazy...You take everything I say and put some sort of crazy woman twist on it.
five minutes later...yelled from the kitchen
Tad: And I DO NOT have ED!

This just goes to show you that guys truly mean only what they say.  They do not have any secret underlying meaning to the words that spill from their mouths...I'm convinced they are just bored and enjoying listening to the sound of their own voice...

*Disclaimer - Tad is NOT impotent...and he's probably going to kill me for blogging about this...so let's just not mention it*