Kiss the Cook's Ass

It still tasted good...

Since the past couple of days have been so rainy and cold I thought I would make a Hopkins' favorite - Vegetable Soup and Cornbread.  Everything started out fine...I unload the groceries, put food away, and started browning the beef, got out the bowls, started the cornbread, did everything...all while Tad looked out the window aimlessly at his putting green, muttering about it being to wet outside to go mow.  I rolled my eyes and continued on.  I guess when he realized there was no way for him to be able to do his "Man's Work" outside, he thought he would start giving orders in the My kitchen.  The conversation went a little like this:

Tad -  Are you browning the meat in the big pot? (while clearly looking at me browning it in a different pot)
Me - Yes.
Tad - No you aren't, that isn't the big pot.
Me - No shit duh...then why are you asking?
Tad - You should have just browned it in the big pot.  That way you mess up less dishes.
Me - You don't even do the dishes!!! (voice is begining to shrill at this point) Why do you care?  Go away Please leave me alone
Tad - SSSSEEEEENNNNSSSSSIIIIIITTTTIIIIIIVVVVVEEEEEE [the word sensitive drug out to into a five second phrase]
45 seconds later...
Tad - You are burning the meat...are you paying attention?

Me - It's not burnt! (it's clearly burnt...) 



Yummy Yummy!

Tad - ::continuous blabbering:: BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH

I pretty much stopped paying attention after this...All that I know is that when he left the room I went and hid all the Whoopie Pies I made today in the freezer.  When you insult me in the kitchen one thing is for sure...you ain't getting no whoopie tonight!

Charlie Wars...

For all of you who missed mine and Mary Susan's famous Charlie Sheen Facebook War the other night, here it is...

Mary-Susan Milam:  If Charlie Sheen was a color , He'd be Charlie Green...

Kris Hopkins: If Charlie Sheen were a cologne he would smell like gin and prostitute


Mary-Susan Milam: If Charlie Sheen was still in high school, he would be Charlie Teen.


Kris Hopkins: If he were a soup he would be Charlie Bean
 
Mary-Susan Milam:  If Charlie Sheen were a detergent, he would be Charlie Clean


Lindsey Monie If he were an organ, he'd be Charlie Spleen.



Mary-Susan Milam: If he was in Inception, he would be Charlie Dream
OH!

Kris Hopkins If he was in Twilight he'd be Charlie Team!! BEAT THAT

Mary-Susan Milam if Charlie Sheen was a furniture polish, he'd be Charlie Sheen!
SNAP
Lindsey Monie If he were a body of water, he'd be Charlie Stream.

Kris Hopkins:  If he was a robot he'd be a Charlie-chine...(pronounced like machine)



Mary-Susan Milam: If Charlie Sheen was in the armed forces, he'd be Charlie Marine.


Lindsey Monie: If he protected you from the sun, he'd be Charlie Screen.


Mary-Susan Milam: If Charlie Sheen was a peanut he would be Charlie Brown

Kris Hopkins If he was a protien powder he'd be Charlie Lean



Mary-Susan Milam If he was overly intelligent, he'd be charlie keen

Kris Hopkins: If he were gay he'd be Charlie Queen


Mary-Susan Milam:  If Charlie Sheen held your clothes together, he'd be Charlie Seem.

Kris Hopkins:  If Charlie Sheen held my clothes together we'd be in trouble.  Last one -  IF Charlie Sheen were a lubricant he'd be Charlie Cream....you will never beat that one!!!! .

I thought all of this was hilarious at the time...not sure if it was the bottle glass of wine at dinner or the fact that this was my only interaction with humans in the past week.  Needless to say, when I read these out loud to Tad the next day he didn't laugh...

Good news is I received 19 "likes" from numerous 16 year olds as well as three new friend request that night...at least someone thinks I'm funny...maybe I'm not as old as I think!

You Know You're Old When...

We recently purchased our first ''new'' family car this week.  While car buying has been one of the ultimate tests for our marriage and my nerves, I would say we passed with flying colors and a pretty fly ride.  I'm in love with it; It has everything I always wanted in a car but of course never got to have in my little Saturn.  The first thing I said when I got in it was that I finally felt like a 'cool mom'.  Something about it just makes me feel all giddy and young inside.

I decided to take a trip to Griffin to get away from the house for a few days (and mostly to test out The Escape).  I packed the bags neatly in trunk, put on my sun glasses, and posted on facebook I was on my way!  The first thirty minutes flew by...I had the sunroof open, the music on my ipod blaring, and cruise control set while I was sipping on lemonade and soaking in the coolness of my new ride.  Apparently God saw that I was beginning to feel a little too awesome and quickly reminded me I had two kids in the back seat (one of which needed to pee).  As well as my scalp was getting burned, my ipod was playing songs from Glee, and my lemonade was coming from Libby's sippy cup that I had taken the lid off of.  When I pulled over on the side of the rode to let Libby pee I realized that no new car could make me feel cool again as long as there was a two year old using it as leverage to use the restroom... 
 
In one last final attempt to regain some of my youth I decided to go out with some of my best friends...sadly the only thing I gained was the understanding that I was no longer the free spirit I used to be...new car or not.  So in Kris fashion I comprised yet another list...   
I call this one the "You Know You're Old When" List.

1.  You go "out" to JHenry's
2.  You arrive on time and get annoyed that others are late.
3.  You order red wine to drink...because you actually drink it
4.  You get out your phone to use EZ Tip Calculator...because you're on a budget and 18% is more than plenty.
5.  You invite your friends parents to come "out" with you...because you actually enjoy the conversation and company.
6.  After two drinks you have already said too much and are whipping out the cell phone to show people pictures of your children.
7.  Everyone asks you how married life is...and you've been married so long you don't even remember being single.
8.  You are yawning at 10:00...and apparently "the night has just begun"
9.  You close out your bar tab and the total is $8.00
10. Somebody says "Man I miss the old Krissy" and ALL your friends chime in with "me too"...

Needless to say I don't need to spend $8.00 to feel like a loser...staying up "late" to watch Iron Chef America pretty much confirms it for me already.